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NASCAR Cup Series

An Uneducated List of Things We Learned From Pocono…

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By NASCARCASM

– When Jimmie Johnson, Chad Knaus and the rest of the #48 team aren’t the overachieving kid in class that completely aces the test and sets the curve, they’re the overachieving kid in class that didn’t study for the test at all, yet still manage to get a B+.

– Kasey Kahne needs to check Facebook more often or something, because he obviously wasn’t aware it was both Jeff Gordon’s and Kurt Busch’s birthday. How inconsiderate.

– We’d appreciate it if Juan Pablo Montoya would let us get the third “Green!” of “Green! Green! Green!” out before wadding up two or three cars.

– Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” could be about the line that distinguishes “gamesmanship” from “funny business” on restarts.

– Ryan Newman is bound and determined to prove he deserves a ride next year. And if we get free Bloomin’ Onions from Outback Steakhouse as a result, we are 100% behind him.

– Denny Hamlin has a date he is very much looking forward to circled on his calendar – January 1st, 2014.

– While Jimmie Johnson is rumored to have a golden horseshoe crammed up his [redacted], Denny Hamlin simultaneously smashes a mirror and spills salt directly under a ladder as a black cat struts by on his way into the track every week.

– The crazy, fanned-out land rush into turn 1 on restarts at Pocono Raceway is quickly becoming one of the most sphincter-clenching moments on the schedule.

– The Danica/Kvapil feud is the third-most heated Illinois/Wisconsin rivalry, after Bears/Packers, and the Cubs and Brewers fierce battle for second to last place in the NL central.

– No animals or flagstands were harmed in the making of this race.

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